he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize