Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I love having hate sex.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
