Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
