So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
