I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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