He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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