I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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