i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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