My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
