I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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