Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
