I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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