um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think your dad took our porno
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
