a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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