Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
