Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize