just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
bring money and cleavage
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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