STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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