3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
