so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize