Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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