Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
