if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
