it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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