eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
