the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
