remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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