Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
