His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
