I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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