Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
