every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
