your thong is hanging out like whoa
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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