my soul wont recognize me after tonight
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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