There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
