so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
