forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
