I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
