the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
