So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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