I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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