And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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