The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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