oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize