he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize