Whats the glycemic index on semen?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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