i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
