I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
