No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can I color on your dick again?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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