dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
