oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
