He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
