TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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