If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
