dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
