Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
