Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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