He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
