I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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