Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
