I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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