Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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