i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
