I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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