I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
