My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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