a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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