Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
