Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
