Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
