I love having hate sex.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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