Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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