I think I won the penis lottery.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Randomize
