So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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