I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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