There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
