the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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