I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
