he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
