have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just want to make out with him forever
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize