woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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