he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
