4 words: hood of his car
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize