I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
