2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
