ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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