You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
