If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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