they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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