She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
