Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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