Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
