I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
