This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
