one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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