I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A+ Viking dick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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