I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
