Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
