He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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