First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize