I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
