Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Found the puke drawer
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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