hotel room ftw
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
