i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
