i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I AM VODKA MAN
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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