my sisters under your porch take her home
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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