I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
