my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Acid is not a monday night drug
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
