Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
