pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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