You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
