I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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